Many self-help books will tell you, that you need to learn to love yourself before you can love anyone else. Some will even give you exercises, telling you to stand in front of a mirror and repeat “I am pure love , I am pure love …“ But is that really what it takes in order to create profound Self love? For the past 28 years, number one best-selling author, counselor and Life Coach David Essel has been teaching the principles of profound self-love, but they are very different than what you’re going to read in the average self-help book.
“As I look back in time, until 1996, I was one of those motivational speakers talking about self-love. The importance of it. And why it was the key to experience pure love with another. And I was one of those same people, and I am so ashamed to admit it, that would tell the audience to go home and to repeat as they stared in the mirror “I love myself completely.“ As if that’s all it took to experience profound self-love. Now, 22 years later, I look back and chuckle at my immature teachings of the time, and how they have so radically changed since then in regards to the topic of self love.Self-love takes a whole lot more than fancy affirmations, or belief systems, trying to convince ourselves that we are worthy of our own self love. As a matter fact, those teachings about using affirmations as a way to gain self love can be very harmful… Because there’s no action taken, we can stand in the mirror all we want professing the love for ourselves, we can drive down the road rehearsing affirmations of self-love, and never get anywhere near the truth of what it takes to love ourselves Completely.
In our new number one best-selling book, “Focus! Slay your goals… The proven guide to huge success, a powerful attitude and profound love“, we talk about the most important keys in order to declare that we love ourselves deeply, and it’s probably not what you’re thinking about right now. Here are a few keys to follow if you truly want to get to the base level of self-love:
Number one. We must remove, stop today, all forms of addictions and dependencies. And this is a lot harder than people realize, especially if you’re in the throes of any addiction right now to food, alcohol, nicotine, gossip, spending, gambling, sex….. The list goes on and on. But number one, if you still today are struggling with a dependency and or Addiction to anything, you are nowhere near the art of self-love. And I should know this better than anyone, as I struggled for 25 years with an addiction to alcohol, cocaine as well as codependency in my relationships. I absolutely know this is true: if you cannot treat your self, your body, as the temple that it needs to be, we are not practicing self-love.
Number two. If we are in crazy relationships, if we have a partner who is demeaning to us, or who struggles with Addiction’s, we are not acting in self-love. We must reach a state of independence in our relationships, first by trying to heal them, but if we cannot heal an intimate relationship we are in , We must be willing to leave it, or we will never understand self-love.
Number three. If we have unhealthy relationships with mom, dad, sister, brother or any other relative… Or if we have unhealthy relationships with our children, or adult children… We are not practicing self-love. Once again, the status quo in this situation is not enough for self-love, we must try to heal these relationships or separate ourselves from the people who are creating the insanity that we are enmeshed in.Number four. If we have an incredible need to be right , and find ourselves trying to convince others of our rightness , or, if we have friends or business coworkers who constantly degrade us, and we don’t have the strength to stand up for ourselves, both of these are examples of codependency… Which is the opposite of self-love.
Look at the above keys that I just mentioned, if you can turn those around, you are on the pathway to self-love.
As you can imagine, very few people in the world today are acting in self loving ways. But it’s possible, if you’re willing to do the work, if you’re willing to reach out to a professional coach, counselor or therapist, you can begin this incredible journey to self love. And once you’ve done the hard work of respecting yourself, your body, your mind… Then you can go ahead and add the affirmations “I completely love myself“, and they will be true. It’s time to rock.“